


The Light Behind Your Eyes

by kiahood



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Based on a My Chemical Romance Song, Canon Universe, Fluff and Angst, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, One Shot, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Short One Shot, Spoilers, THIS CHAPTER GOT TO ME, suffer as i have suffered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-05 20:56:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14626881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiahood/pseuds/kiahood
Summary: "It’s clear to me. This guy’s a true monster. His Titan abilities have nothing to do with it either. No matter how much force you hold him down with, no matter what kind of cage you shut him up in, forcing this guy’s will into submission is something nobody can do." He had truly believed that when he said it and wouldn't have believed anyone who said otherwise. Now the boy with the once fiery expression in his eyes entered the airship with another familiar expression. But it wasn't one Levi was used to seeing on Eren. It reminded him more of himself. Where had it all gone wrong?~inspired by Chapter 105 and 'The Light behind Your Eyes' by MCR~





	The Light Behind Your Eyes

You could say that things hadn't quite gone according to plan. Not that they usually did, but this time was different. Usually, a plan failed due to the titans or other unforeseeable foes. This time, however, it was for a certain someone's idiotic determination that sometimes seemed to blind him from any sort of sense that would still be left in his brain.

This whole mission had been a handful from the beginning. Ever since they learned the truth about why they really lived inside the walls, about how there were a lot of humans living outside the walls not terrified of being eaten by ugly giants every day, everything suddenly seemed different. It wasn’t about simply getting rid of titans. It wasn’t about being able to destroy those walls once and for all. It wasn’t about living in freedom and exploring all those terrifying parts about this world they didn’t know yet. Suddenly it was about saving humanity. Because humanity wasn’t just them. Humanity wasn’t just the few people crammed inside the walls just wanting to be free. Humanity was everywhere – outside the walls, across the ocean. This entire time they had focused on a war that in actuality was about something completely different. If they hadn’t felt small before, they certainly did now.

Everyone had their own thoughts and feelings about this and it wasn’t necessarily something they discussed over dinner. So far they still tried to understand it all and make sense of it as much as possible. They still were the Survey Corps, they still had their duties to fulfill, even if they weren’t prepared for it at all. Sometimes that meant having to make decisions without being able to compare them to any previous decisions one had ever made before. Acting on your gut feeling was often the only way to make decisions but sometimes you shouldn’t listen to your gut.

_Idiot._

He shouldn’t be surprised, really. It wasn’t the first time Eren had done something stupid and selfish. If anything, hadn’t everyone done something like that before? And hasn’t it ever resulted in something positive? Back in the day Levi hadn’t had time to make lots of wild guesses as to where the nickname _suicidal bastard_ came from. Someone so willing to fight titans couldn’t be in their right mind, after all. That kind of confidence usually only came from the aspiring soldiers that had never had to face any titan before. Yet the kid who had witnessed his own mother being eaten by one was so filled with determination that it seemed that fire in his eyes alone could kill every titan immediately.

That had been their first encounter. Levi seeing this 15-year-old kid furiously declaring his plans of killing every single titan. And as ridiculous as it sounded a part of Levi couldn’t help but believe it. There had been countless instances in which Eren showed that he wouldn’t let anything or anyone stop him. It didn’t seem to matter to him that he was weak. He wouldn’t let anyone beat him. That didn’t make him invincible, if anything it made him an easy target. It was almost like an open invitation. And that was the thing that got Levi about him – being able to drive people to action. The amount of determination was practically contagious. For a moment it made the people around him forget the reality of it and instead made everyone believe that this one single kid could actually win a war against titans that had driven humanity – their humanity – to extinction for over a hundred years.

Of course Eren wasn’t just a force or pure rage. He had his fair share of weak moments. Times he had felt like he had failed everyone, times he had felt that he was stoppable after all. He wasn’t sure why, but seeing Eren like that hurt. Someone who was willing to fight with such a passion deserved to just live. A kid that didn’t get to be a kid deserved to just live. But while Levi would be trying to figure out how to help Eren feel better, he would already be back to his hard-headed self.

In a way that had always been a great comfort. Despite all losses, all new information, all battles. Levi always knew that the one thing to never change was that expression on Eren’s face. And he would make sure to keep that fire from going out, not that it had ever seemed possible.

But times were changing.

Seeing Eren climb on the airship hurt him more than he was willing to admit.

“I can’t believe how filthy you look,” Levi greeted him, “Looks like you fell in a pile of shit, Eren.”

To be fair, Eren had gone undercover for a while, pretending to be an injured soldier. But there was something different about him. It had been a normal state for Levi to barely show emotion – it was just so much easier that way – but right now he didn’t have the energy for that.

“Captain,” Eren replied, his eyes looking dead and empty.

What had happened? How was it possible for this powerful force to have been stopped?

The next thing that happened probably didn’t help the situation, but it was one of those times where Levi really had no idea what to do – so he kicked Eren right in the face, once again gaining an unhappy response from Mikasa. But she, too, didn’t look happy. Instead, she ended up accepting it. If he hadn’t noticed Eren having changed before, he sure did now. But there wasn’t time to think about that now. Ever since the day they had met Eren had been his responsibility.

“This really brings me back, Eren,” Levi paused, having to fight back memories of better days that would only upset him more, “You’re as easy to kick as ever.”

Eren was still lying on the ground, back pressed against the wall as two soldiers held a gun at him. Levi hadn’t been in favor of doing what he was about to do, but what else was there to do?

“We’re restraining you first. We can talk after that.”

“That’s fine with me. But nothing I wrote in my letter was wrong. Was that not enough to earn your understanding?” Eren asked, finally looking up at Levi, but still with those sad empty eyes.

“You look like every one of those pieces of garbage I had to see in the underground city... I can’t believe it… you, too,” he wasn’t sure what had gotten over him. To not have his emotions at control right now. To tell the truth. But maybe it was exactly that. He was referring to himself there. Maybe that was one of those reasons Eren had become so important to him. Being able to see himself in that boy, knowing exactly what he had been going through. He knew what it was like to lose a mother. To feel all alone. To feel trapped. To feel weak. He knew what it was like to not listen to other people. To feel like not being able to listen to other people, because they didn’t understand. And maybe that had been the reason that determination of Eren had become as important to Levi as it had. That it was something he wanted to preserve, to make sure Eren wouldn’t have to start hiding his emotions because it was easier. To go through life having lost all those that were dear to him. To feel weak and hopeless and like there was no light.

Levi didn’t have a plan. He did, however, have a goal. He had gone his entire life going through hell. There wasn’t a particular urge to join the Survey Corps, but there sure was a feeling of relief when he saw the outside world for the first time. To him, someone from the underground, it was already a great win to just be able to get out of there. At first, he didn’t have anything to fight for. The titans had never really played a big part in his life. Then they killed the only family he had left. And after that they had taken more and more people that had become important to him.

They called him _Humanity’s Strongest_ , but what did that title mean, if he wasn’t even able to save those he loved? Maybe they hadn’t killed Eren yet, but they had killed his light. So Levi had to get it back. He shouldn’t just let them do that. He shouldn’t let anyone be that powerful.

They called Eren _Humanity’s Last Hope_. And over time, without realizing it, Eren had become Levi’s last hope, too. Being able to witness such a force as Eren really did give him hope for the first time. Real hope. Actually feeling like yes, they could beat this. Through Eren they had made plenty discoveries and understood so much more then before. Humanity owed Eren a lot. And they needed him.

The others put the blame on Eren, claiming he had put them into a lot of danger with his risky actions and that he killed innocent civilians. Surely, they weren’t an organization that wanted any of that. He, too, should have been more pissed at Eren. And yet he couldn’t help but wish to feel like he was looking at Eren instead of a lifeless shell that resembled him. Was he really to blame? There had been countless times where innocent civilians had died. It wasn’t the goal, but right now didn’t seem like the time to find that outrageous enough to blame everything wrong in the world on this fragile boy. Should he have consulted them about his plan? Yes. So why did Levi not feel this rage against him? Why did he want to tell them all to shut up? Why did he want to just grab Eren, run off with him and tell him it was all going to be okay?

War suddenly didn’t seem to be about conflicts or injustice or death or whatever. It was about how it could make the impossible possible. Being able to destroy the core of a human, crush their spirit and break every wall in the way. But Levi didn’t want to let that be real. It suddenly seemed like letting them take that light of Eren’s eyes would equal them winning the war. Like it was a trophy, the source of all life without which something couldn’t continue existing for long.

It also seemed ridiculous how much he cared. How much someone’s desperation could affect him.

Levi didn’t have a plan.

But he had something to protect. Something to fight for. There was still a lot they didn’t know, but one thing was for certain: Lever would never let them take the light behind Eren’s eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> This has actually been my first proper contribution to this fandom after having been stuck in it for FIVE YEARS!!  
> Chapter 105 really got to me and I can't stop thinking about it so I decided to put some of those thoughts into words, so here ya go!  
> The translation for the dialogue is based on this translation: https://mangarock.com/manga/mrs-serie-295440/chapter/mrs-chapter-100226631  
> Hope you enjoyed this little one shot and I would be happy about feedback :)


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